It Makes No Sense!
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Hiei and Kurama discuss the Harry Potter series. Or rather, Hiei complains about it and Kurama tries to shut him up.


The window opened and a soft breeze drifted through the room. Kurama didn't even need to look up to know who it was.

"Hiei" he greeted.

"Fox" Hiei said in reply, striding over to the red-head. He stopped directly in front of him and waited for some acknowledgment. When none came he let out a soft hiss through his teeth and nudged Kurama on the side.

"Hmm?" Kurama murmured, looking up from the homework he had been working on to gaze at his friend. The fire demon was clenching his teeth and had something clutched in his hands.

"Ahh…I see you took my advice and read the Harry Potter series?"

"Just the first one" Hiei replied. "And I can't believe I allowed you to convince me to read it…it was rubbish!" he tossed the book to the floor and glared at it. "A complete waste of time!"

Kurama sighed and leaned down to pick up the book.

"I liked it" he stated, dusting it off on his shirt.

"It was stupid!" Hiei argued. "And half of it made no sense whatsoever!"

"How so?"

"Well" Hiei replied, perching on the windowsill and still frowning. "That Voldy-mort fellow…he attacked the Potter's and killed those Baka Parents. The child defeated him. But how did the entire Wizarding Community come to know of the exact events? How did this Dumbledore fellow know that the Baka Mother had given her life for the Childs?"

Kurama sighed.

"Hiei, it's just a story…"

"It makes no sense!" Hiei snapped. "How did, a few moments after the event had happened, everyone come to know of it? There is no possible way that word could have spread so quickly! And even if it did, there should have been an investigation into the events. It could have been a false alarm, or a stupid rumor spread. Why on earth would the _entire _Wizarding Community take the word of some old man, who, by the looks of things, is the biggest Baka in the series?"

Kurama sighed, shaking his head in exasperation.

"Hiei…Dumbledore is supposed to be a famous wizard. He has a lot of influence in the series. Obviously people would listen to him."

"It could have been a lie" Hiei argued. "Then where would they have been? Idiots, putting their guard down."

"Well it wasn't a lie" Kurama replied, scribbling down an answer on his homework sheet. "I don't see why you're so worked up about it."

"I wasted me time reading at!" Hiei snapped.

Kurama shrugged. "You could have stopped at any time. All that stuff you're complaining about happened right at the beginning – you could have stopped reading then."

Hiei didn't reply for a while. Then:

"And why was the old man in charge of giving the boy to his relatives? I don't care much about the Ningen rubbish but I know enough to know that the child should have been handed over to the authorities!"

Kurama sighed.

"Dumbledore found him. He gave him to his only living relations. The end."

"But that Dumbledore fellow obviously didn't have permission to give the boy to his relatives. Why didn't anyone bother to find out about where he had been sent? Dumbledore had taken the child without permission – isn't that considered kidnapping? And why did no one know that their supposed savior was being abused at his home?"

"It probably wasn't obvious" Kurama replied, sounding slightly annoyed. "Honestly Hiei, do you really hate this series as much as you claim too? You seem to be taking quite an interest in it."

Hiei glared.

"I. Do. Not. Like. This. Book" he spat. Then: "And it _was _obvious! The boy wore clothes three sizes too big, had broken glasses, was hidden from all the neighbors, was put to work 24 hours a day…if your saying that's normal behavior then I was right about Ningens all along!"

"Hiei…_why _do you even remember all that?"

"Hn."

"That's not a proper answer and you know it."

"Hn."

"We need to work on your conversation skills."

"…The Wizards are idiots."

"Hiei" Kurama sighed and turned around in his chair. "Would you please stop?"

"They are!" the shorter demon snapped. "I mean honestly, why would they tell someone that they are a wizard in a _letter? _I understand pure-blood wizards who know about their heritage, but what about those…muggleborns. They would probably think it was a joke and throw it out!"

Kurama opened his mouth to reply but Hiei continued speaking.

"…And then when the letters didn't work for the boy they sent someone who _couldn't cast magic?"_

"Hagrid could cast magic Hiei" Kurama sighed. "Remember the pig's tail?"

"Yes well no one but Dumbledore knew he still cast magic!" Hiei argued. "And he wasn't even a teacher! Why would they send him of all people?"

"I don't know Hiei."

"…How do those wizards all know that the boy had a scar if they never saw it? How did they all know exactly how the scar looked? Those twin boys saw Harry Potter's scar and knew immediately who he was. But they never saw the scar before…so how did they know that _he _was Harry Potter and not some random boy with a scar?"

"They're parents probably told them" Kurama replied.

"How did _they _know?"

"I don't know."

"And that house system!"

"_Hiei!" _Kurama snapped. "Please be quiet!"

"It's ridiculous!" Hiei continued without even bothering to pause. "If Slytherin was so evil then why keep it as a school house? Isn't it a little prejudice? How can they immediately expect any person who enters Slytherin to turn out evil? And those teachers aren't even afraid to say what they think of the house out loud! Honestly, that Hagrid pretty much told Harry that every person who went into Slytherin came out bad!"

"I don't..."

"…I mean, cunning doesn't necessarily mean evil. And basically, that book says that every house but Gryffindor are bad. In my opinion, Gryffindor is the bad house. Baka's, don't even think before they jump into trouble…the way they go Gryffindor's will probably be extinct in a few years."

"Hiei it's _just _a book…"

"Why is _Gryffindor _considered the good house? What have they done to deserve that – act like a bunch of fools? If you're in Gryffindor, you're good. But is there proof of that? And why are idiotic heroics considered the best trait? Intelligence is much better and will get you further in life. Cunning is a helpful trait. Even _loyalty _is better. Bravery will only get you killed."

"Yes, well…"

"…And they say Slytherin is evil because the founder did something. How does the Founder's actions affect anyone? He's not even related to them! How can they be like him if they've never met him, never knew how he was like? It makes no sense!"

"_Hiei…" _

"And a HAT sorts them into the houses? Based on ONE personality trait? That's completely stupid. No one is only ONE thing. You can be loyal and brave at the same time, smart and brave at the same time, cunning and loyal at the same time…"

"Hiei" Kurama lay a hand on his friends shoulder. "Stop."

Hiei frowned.

"You're taking this a little far aren't you?" the fox asked, raising one eyebrow.

"It's stupid" the fire demon replied, angrily. "A complete waste of…paper."

"Well some people actually like that sort of stuff…"

"It's stupid" Hiei repeated. "And also…why did that idiot Dumbledore hide that stone in Hogwarts? In a school full of curious children? And then TELL THEM not to enter the third floor corridor? If he had just blocked it off and not told them then no one would have bothered to think anything suspicious was going on!"

"Look…I'm not even going to try and defend that book anymore" Kurama sighed, turning back to his homework. "Please turn it down Hiei. I need to finish this by tomorrow."

"And you call THAT protection?"

Kurama blinked. "What?"

"Those things Dumbledore and the other baka professors set up for 'protection'" Hiei snapped. "If three FIRST YEARS could get past it, how hard could it be? And Dumbledore, the supposed, _greatest wizard in the world _didn't realize that his arch enemy was on the back of his employees head?"

Kurama groaned.

"Hiei…"

"Completely, completely stupid!" spat the little fire demon. "There are no WORDS to describe how stupid it really is!"

"Hiei. Are you done yet?"

"So, so stupid!"

"Hiei?"

"Yes…?"

"Are you done?"

"Hn."

"Alright then" Kurama took a deep breath and turned around in his chair. "Would you like the second book?"

"Now why would I want that?" Hiei snapped, before vanishing out the window.

Later when Kurama checked his bookshelf 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' was missing.


End file.
